why giving up is painful?

haunted house or dream house??

There is this big house at my hometown. I think it's been there since forever. I don't know why but since I was a kid, I always have this thought that one day I will own this house. I always want to be a lawyer and when I become a lawyer, I will have a lot of money and with it, I will redecorate the house, paint it, and I will make sure it become as beautiful as it was once. One day, people at my hometown will be talking that this is the rich lawyer's house. In fact, this is not just a house. THIS IS A MANSION.
I will grow a beautiful garden with orange flowers in it. I will have roses-orange too..(is there any orange rose?) I will paint it in cream color, just like how it used to look like. I don't want it to look like an ordinary modern house. It will loose it's value then. I don't want to renovate it....Sometimes old things are better left like the way it used. Inside the mansion, i will decorate it like ancient Chinese house.

This thought continues until this very moment. I just can't resist to look at this house and admire it. When I told a few friends and my sister, about my thoughts, they said "This is a one ugly haunted house, lady!" they said if I wish to own this house, I will have to call "tok bomoh" or shaman to chase away the ghosts or spirits inside the house before starts decorating it...

If my dream to become a lawyer come true, i will try to own this house. hehe....

SO PEOPLE...WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IS THIS A HAUNTED HOUSE OR A BEAUTIFUL MANSION?

he keeps me on....

grattitude for those who close to me…

this few days i learn…all this while i am a short tempered person…i am volatile.. i am so defensive…i am a very serious person…i look things from an angel and only…i will strike when i’m hurt…i will break when i’m sad…i will leave my world when i’m stucked…and most of the time..people will only see my anger…only see my sadness..i think i am obvious….people can read…but this is just me..just who i am…and now..i want to change…i will be lying if i said for instant…i won’t promise…because people don’t change over a night…me too..

i still want people to read me..especially those who close to me… i still want people to understand me…but i want to understand them too..if i want good things happen to me..i have to make good things happen to others too..if i want to change what people think about me, i have to change mine towards them….i’m not perfect..i’m not so good…i realize it and want to make a different…

to my parents(mak, abah)..u won’t regret a single hope you put on me…you’ll always be in my mind and heart..for your love is unconditional…

to my sisters and brothers(along, kak cah, achom, o’oh, ebot, uda, mahathir)…growing up with u…is one of the thing that i am really grateful for…i learn to dress, to speak, to act, to live my life from you…we are all different, yet we are all the same…for we share the same love from mak and abah…..

to my darling(muhammad faiz hilmi hamdan)…thanks for trusting me for your love is what makes my world ORANGE again…and you makes my heart sings again for you are the music of my heart….i love you DADY…

to my best friend (azie zainal alam, hisyam alewi) thanks for the moment we share..thanks for making us united, thanks for allowing me to reflect my self, i see myself grow when i looked at you….thanks GUYS!!

to my friends(madiha muhammad, amiza muhammed noor,zulaikha jamil, zaida zain)…thanks for accepting me, my life,and my attitude…and i am really thankful that u can make me open my eyes without hurting my feelings..

in the process of learning

Today, i learned. We have to treat people just as how we want people to treat us. I am aware about that. I want to instill that quality in me but sometimes I overlooked at it and I mistreated people around me. I also learned that if we want to do something, have some heart on it. Don't do it half way, don't take things for granted.

Someone once told me that life is a process of learning. We are a teacher and we are student ourselves. As long as we breath, we will learn. It is depending on us, on what and how we are going to use the knowledge we get. Good or bad, it's up to us.